Alone

4th day on a row all evening.

Alone, by myself, dinner alone,

Evening alone, sleeping alone

Who is waiting for me

Not a soul

Come on

C'mon let it rain, let it rain down on me...

nothing of anything

 BAM! 8 years have past, its 2021. 

Life is different confusing and weird.
Our house is no longer filled with laughter, but with regrets and sorrow.

I have changed, grew older, more worried.

Kids are no longer kids, the youngest one moved out living with her dad now. The oldest one is now an adult, sweet as ever. Never home and living his own life. He is right.

what's left for us, is each other.... we know by now we don't like each other much any more these days. No love, no laughter, no joy.

I feel stuck, can't breath at times. Body is worn with pain and sorrow. 
Not feeling loved isn't helping. 

I want to move back to the ocean and leave these green fields and forrests. 
I miss seaguls, air and ocean, wind and calming ocean breeze even when it's freezing out.  

My dog is my only joy now, can't have him by myself stuck with work and caring. 

Feel so stuck i need air, breath in breath out, and gone another day. 

Kids

Wow, you know how it is?
Arguing kids? Man! 16 and 11
They sound like brother and sister, sometimes a married couple.
Sometimes you want to slam them together and make them.love each other!
The oldest telling the younger one what to do, but she doesn't let her tell him what to do and hell breaks loos.
Wow I can't remember ever have a fit like that  everrrrr and I had two older brothers....I've turned out ok tho.
But now I am all grown up....it's so useless and exhausting!
Wow, you know how it is?

Still miss you

Still miss you every day
My little furry best friend
Your morning kiss and cuddle
Your love when I'm sad
Your headbump to say you love me
Still miss you every day my little  friend.
Still miss you....

Moving in together

It's a fact....we are living together as a family in one home.
All history carried with or left behind. Bits and pieces put together in a brand new home.
My table, your chairs, towels mixed together to a colourfull blend.
Paint picked together, my plants your frown😁
Our home!! Happiness and love
Our home 😁❤❤
Our home...our....home😁

You know...

You know you're home when
You're on the toilet and there is a knock for a piece of toiletpapier.
You know you're home when you're taking a shower a little one comes in to brush her while you're naked.
You know you're home when in the morning you hear noises of table silver while the both of you are still in bed.
You know you're home when u wake up in the middle of the night and there is a whisper conversation going between the one you love and a nine year old.
You know you're home when you always feels loved.
You know you're home when you  see those smiling faces when you walk in the door after a days work....
You know you're home when  you feel at home.
I love feeling at home :-)

Sure

She loves me, no doubt
She cares, no doubt
She makes me laugh, no doubt
She dares me, no doubt
We have the future, no doubt
We have eachother, no doubt
No doubt, no doubt

This is what happiness looks like,
No doubt

Loving heart

Her warm loving heart
Intens,warm and comfortable
Always there
When I look in her eyes
I see love
Feel love
Her mouth speaks ruthless at times
Never without respect
She is the one

Understanding the love

Understanding the love
Sometimes startle  me
Knowing, feeling, growing
A halt, one step back, no changes
Loving eyes, those loving eyes....
Talk, enlightened  less questions
No doubts about the core
Trying , learning, feeling
Trusting, loving....Loving loving loving! !

Here we go!

What a beautiful day! Sun is out!
Birds are singing their songs, one louder than the other!
Purple, White and yellow fields filled with the early spring flowers!

I am excited, up early starting to tear some stuff apart and make room.
Bringing some of my stuff to my girls place.
Enjoying the love, and our two little helpers!
Exhausting but fun, fun to realize it's real, the love is real 
(no doubts) the wanting to be together is real.
First step to make it real, enjoy eachothers peace,
eachothers chaos and our love.

First little steps made, to a bigger decision, 
a bigger love, a bigger life, and happiness
joy and happiness!

How loved

Surprised and kidnapped
A mysterious note on a suitcase
A trip to god knows where
A smile that made my heart melt

Love
A boat
Wonderfull surprise
Feeling more than loved
Feel noticed, acknowledged and seen
Appreciated and loved,  more than loved

Sleeping on a houseboat
In the middle of the city
Waking to her gorgeous eyes and smile
Could I be more happier?

Loved loved loved
I love her

family life, thats life!

Thankful and loving, 
coming "home"be greeted, kissed and hugged 
For so many normal and the way it is.
I see the beauty when kids stand in front of the window
with both hands high up in the air to great and wave.
they jump into your arms when you walk in the door.

It makes me smile....inside...in my heart
like a little leap of joy
my heart jumps.

I am lucky to be loved like that
loving eyes, kissing lips, warm greeting arms

lucky and greatful... looking forward 
to come home again tonight


:-)

Every time!

Every time!!
In a pic or in real life
Her squeezing eyes they make me fall all over!
I can't help it
Sounds corky and corny...
But those make me smile deep in my soul
And fall in love with her all over again.
I don't think she understands. ..
Maybe better :-D
I look at het pic and there it happens again....I love her!
With pride  and joy. ..I love her!
There it is...I said it...
Every time!

So this is Christmas

We're getting there...
Pulled up the tree
Full loving family time
Dark outside
Happiness love and joy
Real Christmas. ..no traveling
No wondering...just plain and simple
Happy, love and joy....perfect!

Have a wonderful happy healthy and joy full christmas! Where ever you lay your head!!

Fall.... in love

the leaves, the love,

smiles, kisses, love and hugs

eyes more intense than ever

looking at me, a smile that tells it all

Happy heart, jumping of joy

no questions except from little voices

wondering when...

our lives already started together 

for now apart together

were taking time

happiness is overruling

friends and love

joy and love

love and love

fall in love

love in fall

Sometimes.........

I know...

just sometimes I wish she could..
she did write it down, 
and a written word, they say, is everlasting,
sometimes I just wish she could...
she does,
I can see it in her eyes
and she can read it in mine
I say it, she doesn't
someday she will
I just know it
I have to or I will burst..
she will burst some day....:-)

Filled with happiness

Busy loving weekend
Involved in her life
Like it's never been different
Flowing loving caring going

Happiness on her face
Loving eyes
Caring hands
Kissing lips

Filled with happiness,

Perfect....

Fearless!

Fearless!
She is! Amazingly brave
She made a choice is determent
And showing it.
Who ever she cares for, she is sharing 
Our happines,our love!
Her smile confirmes
Her eyes show
love...it's real
Never been more proud!

The big step

Brave and filled with love
For them,nothing changed
We wrestled on the beach
And I got showered with kisses
I just love her...like they do..in a different fashion, but love is love.
And it's good! It's real and true.
My heart jumped with joy
My heart is happy, so is hers...i can see it in her amazing eyes.
Happy hearts and love...
Nothing else counts.