I am stunned,
how people worry about
kissing you're partner,
your wife after winning
an Oscar for god sake!
Gay, straight does it
really matter?
You win the prize of prizes
you jump up and kiss you're
Lesbian lover BIG DEAL!
You're out, be out!
I don't mean make out
in front of thousands of people
and play the tongue
but man, a kiss, a loving
happy, excited, and thrilled kiss
what DO YOU WORRY ABOUT?
I mean Melissa Etheridge
she is my big example
in music, life, and life style,
the way she goes with people
and hypnotise her audience
you HAVE TO HAVE a good heart
to do it like that.
but being agonized
whether to kiss the woman
you choose to spend you're life with
or not
at a big thing like the OSCARS!
man, it's the ultimate thing
to show the world
being gay is love
for better for worse
so what if millions, billions
people can see you kissing the
woman you love?
I just sigh and shake my head
be out, be proud.
Love, peace and understanding.............
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
On my way back
*Sigh*
It's been a while
since I've "blogged"
I am getting back
on my feet again
slowly but surely
the missing got to bad
it ripped my heart apart
we both feel it
and my body couldn't
handle the pain anymore
and it was threatening to
just shut down
So I called it a day
work, friends, family
everybody OUT!!
just me and my sweetheart
talking for hours
far beyond midnight
on the phone
crying...............
On my way back now
one step at the time
It's been a while
since I've "blogged"
I am getting back
on my feet again
slowly but surely
the missing got to bad
it ripped my heart apart
we both feel it
and my body couldn't
handle the pain anymore
and it was threatening to
just shut down
So I called it a day
work, friends, family
everybody OUT!!
just me and my sweetheart
talking for hours
far beyond midnight
on the phone
crying...............
On my way back now
one step at the time
It will be me
(written by Melissa Etheridge)
If you hear a voice
in the middle of the night
saying it will be alright
it will be me
If you feel a hand
guiding you along
when the path seems wrong
it will be me
there is no mountain
that I can't climb
for you I'd swim through
the rivers of time
as you go you're way
and I go mine
a light will shine
and it will be me
if there is a key
that goes to your heart
a special part
it will be me
If you need a friend
call out to the wind
to hold you again
it will be me
oh how the world
seem so unfair
creating a love
that can not be shared
as you go your way
and I go mine
a light will shine
and it will be me
I see ever after
there is a place for two
in your tears of laughter
I'll be there for you
the sun and the moon
the land and the sea
look all around you
it will be me
there is no mountain
that I can't climb
for you I'd swim through
the rivers of time
as you go you're way
and I go mine
a light will shine
it will be me
it will be me
it will be me..........................
If you hear a voice
in the middle of the night
saying it will be alright
it will be me
If you feel a hand
guiding you along
when the path seems wrong
it will be me
there is no mountain
that I can't climb
for you I'd swim through
the rivers of time
as you go you're way
and I go mine
a light will shine
and it will be me
if there is a key
that goes to your heart
a special part
it will be me
If you need a friend
call out to the wind
to hold you again
it will be me
oh how the world
seem so unfair
creating a love
that can not be shared
as you go your way
and I go mine
a light will shine
and it will be me
I see ever after
there is a place for two
in your tears of laughter
I'll be there for you
the sun and the moon
the land and the sea
look all around you
it will be me
there is no mountain
that I can't climb
for you I'd swim through
the rivers of time
as you go you're way
and I go mine
a light will shine
it will be me
it will be me
it will be me..........................
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
here but not here
My head is empty
my mind is gone,
not dreaming not aware
here, but not here
my body is working
functioning as expected
my mouth is smiling
as "they" ask
my head is empty
my mind is gone
my heart is full of love
my spirit is gone
not here, but there
in mind, heart and soul
just the body is here
can't function as I should
I feel like I' am not alive
right now, I feel empty,
tired, lonely and misunderstood
no one to listen, no one to cry
seven hours difference and about 5000 miles
My head is empty
my mind is gone
Not dreaming, not aware
here but not here
my mind is gone,
not dreaming not aware
here, but not here
my body is working
functioning as expected
my mouth is smiling
as "they" ask
my head is empty
my mind is gone
my heart is full of love
my spirit is gone
not here, but there
in mind, heart and soul
just the body is here
can't function as I should
I feel like I' am not alive
right now, I feel empty,
tired, lonely and misunderstood
no one to listen, no one to cry
seven hours difference and about 5000 miles
My head is empty
my mind is gone
Not dreaming, not aware
here but not here
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Hello world!
A famous lady made me think
about googling yourself
and what I did I just
googled "dutchcitygirl"
and it scared the hell out
of me
Holy Cow!
8 pages on Google
my whole life is out there!
scared the shit out of me!
what did I know!?
when I first started this blog,
I just wanted to be able
to put some thoughts out there
so my girl, on the other side of the ocean
could keep up with my thoughts without
talking
How the Fuck did I know that the whole
fricken world is lurking over my shoulder.
well that was my discovery today
so all I can say right now is " hello world"
and wave polite!
about googling yourself
and what I did I just
googled "dutchcitygirl"
and it scared the hell out
of me
Holy Cow!
8 pages on Google
my whole life is out there!
scared the shit out of me!
what did I know!?
when I first started this blog,
I just wanted to be able
to put some thoughts out there
so my girl, on the other side of the ocean
could keep up with my thoughts without
talking
How the Fuck did I know that the whole
fricken world is lurking over my shoulder.
well that was my discovery today
so all I can say right now is " hello world"
and wave polite!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Going through my backpack!
it has been a while,
since I've blogged
but I am in a phase right now
a thinking, hurting, depressive phase
still happy in love, let's get that straight (not us)
my backpack was full, all filled up
as I call it
everything that happens to a person
is thrown into the backpack on it's back
and once in a while you need to sit down
and go through some of it in there
and give it a spot, if not you will flip over some day
that's my someday, right there!
Too much, thinking, feeling, crying, resisting,
frustration, dwelling in self pity (yes I do at times, so what)
and not enough or barely any understanding, help, hugs, or encouragement.
and then, you flip over, right on you're back
face up to the sky, and it's raining, and it keeps raining
thank god for my sunshine, (you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.........)
the past flies by, exes fly by (only the bad parts, cuz you don't want to remember the good ones)
all the pain, the sorrows and the broken hearts
all the hurts and disappointments, in parents, brothers, friends, lovers, yourself!
they all come by and add something into you're backpack
and man! I fell hard and deep!
It's time to clean up, and place it all!
so here by I say to all those who have damaged me,
hurted me, abused and used me FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL!
and don't ever come knocking on my door!
cuz I am no friend, lover or anything of you anymore!
You go suck you're energy from someone else, and leave me in peace.
I make my own happiness perfectly without you bloodsuckers!
I flip the finger to all those people who used and abused me, mistreated the
goodness and naive heart.
start GIVING me something for a while, if you want to be a new friend
instead of TAKING, SUCKING, BEGGING, ASKING, NEEDING, me all the time!
It's Me, My girl, and our Son first!! In everything!
And I don't care what you think, how you feel, or what you're going through,
did you ever care for me? really loved me? just because I am me?
I don't think so, wait, I Know you don't cuz how can you abuse and mistreat
someone you love like that.
the damage hurts, it hurts bad, I don't care about the people who
did that to me anymore. But the hurt is still here and I was fighting it
resisting it, but I couldn't anymore I had to give in, it is here!
No true friends, I don't believe that anymore, they all want something,
Friends that's fine with me, just don't get too close, and don't ever tell me
true friends.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks, and I am entering a new page
a clean, white piece of paper in my life,
and a big part of that frustration will go with me, until my sunshine and me
can be together. And a piece of damaged good will come too,
that made me loving, understanding, strong and protective
that's a piece of me now.
it's true you know, you're new lover is always paying for the mistakes
of your exes. I don't want to let that happen, sometimes it just does.
I am happy with my girl, she is the love of my life,
Let the sunshine in, let the sunshine in, it's a brand new day.
my backpack feels so much right lighter now.............................
since I've blogged
but I am in a phase right now
a thinking, hurting, depressive phase
still happy in love, let's get that straight (not us)
my backpack was full, all filled up
as I call it
everything that happens to a person
is thrown into the backpack on it's back
and once in a while you need to sit down
and go through some of it in there
and give it a spot, if not you will flip over some day
that's my someday, right there!
Too much, thinking, feeling, crying, resisting,
frustration, dwelling in self pity (yes I do at times, so what)
and not enough or barely any understanding, help, hugs, or encouragement.
and then, you flip over, right on you're back
face up to the sky, and it's raining, and it keeps raining
thank god for my sunshine, (you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.........)
the past flies by, exes fly by (only the bad parts, cuz you don't want to remember the good ones)
all the pain, the sorrows and the broken hearts
all the hurts and disappointments, in parents, brothers, friends, lovers, yourself!
they all come by and add something into you're backpack
and man! I fell hard and deep!
It's time to clean up, and place it all!
so here by I say to all those who have damaged me,
hurted me, abused and used me FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL!
and don't ever come knocking on my door!
cuz I am no friend, lover or anything of you anymore!
You go suck you're energy from someone else, and leave me in peace.
I make my own happiness perfectly without you bloodsuckers!
I flip the finger to all those people who used and abused me, mistreated the
goodness and naive heart.
start GIVING me something for a while, if you want to be a new friend
instead of TAKING, SUCKING, BEGGING, ASKING, NEEDING, me all the time!
It's Me, My girl, and our Son first!! In everything!
And I don't care what you think, how you feel, or what you're going through,
did you ever care for me? really loved me? just because I am me?
I don't think so, wait, I Know you don't cuz how can you abuse and mistreat
someone you love like that.
the damage hurts, it hurts bad, I don't care about the people who
did that to me anymore. But the hurt is still here and I was fighting it
resisting it, but I couldn't anymore I had to give in, it is here!
No true friends, I don't believe that anymore, they all want something,
Friends that's fine with me, just don't get too close, and don't ever tell me
true friends.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks, and I am entering a new page
a clean, white piece of paper in my life,
and a big part of that frustration will go with me, until my sunshine and me
can be together. And a piece of damaged good will come too,
that made me loving, understanding, strong and protective
that's a piece of me now.
it's true you know, you're new lover is always paying for the mistakes
of your exes. I don't want to let that happen, sometimes it just does.
I am happy with my girl, she is the love of my life,
Let the sunshine in, let the sunshine in, it's a brand new day.
my backpack feels so much right lighter now.............................
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