27 july 2007 00.00 AM

30 hours
30 minutes
and 30 seconds...................

Drifting mind.......fingers in dirt

Some time off
happy that I do
when I closed the door
at work today
I felt freedom

I look at my rain drowned
little back yard
and feel so sorry
that I wasn't able
to save my plants from
horrible drowning death

the only one i could save
was my sunflower
and it's growing over my head
I love to dig my fingers in dirt
and create new life in my own little way

but well I am drifting with my mind
but hey, that's fine, I have time off yay
my baby is coming home with our son.
my flowers need to be saved and new one to be planted

visit and do some fun stuff
and enjoy being together as a family
that joy is way bigger as the sunflower
brings me
but they still both bring me sunshine
just one more than the other

but I've learned
to enjoy the small
appreciate the smallest
and live the biggest

My old friend

(basic lyrics tim Mcgraw,my Old Friend)

My old friend, I recall
The times we had hanging on my wall
I wouldn't trade them for gold
Cause they laugh and they cry me
Somehow sanctify me
They're woven in the stories I have told
And tell again
My old friend,

I apologize
For the years that have passed
Since the last time you and I
Dusted off those memories
But the running and the races
The people and the places
There's always somewhere else I had to be
Time gets slim, my old friend

Don't know why,
don't know why
Don't know why,
don't know why

My old friend,
this song's for you
Cause a few simple verses
Was the least that I could do
To tell the world that you are here
Cause the love and the laughter
Will live long after
All of the sadness and the tears
We'll meet again, my old friend


My old friend, my old friend

Ghosts from the past.

For some reason
I went to that place
thought i would have
some fun and distraction

don't understand
how i could ever
be addicted to that place
that chat room

when I look back
I don't see myself
I see a lost, lonely young woman
vulnerable for any attention

today I went back
and in the beginning it was good
it was nice to talk
to some old friends
and proud as I am
I got my power tattooed
on my back

I wanted to share
so I sent the pic
to an old friend
and she made a comment
that shocked me

a ghost from the past
rushed back into my life
it upset me
like a bat swung at my head

a different life
another me,
confronted me with who I was

I called my honey
and told her what happened
she kept me save
restored what ever damage was done
told me she loves me
and slammed the door
for the ghost from the past

she is the one..............

Life List

I was watching some
old shows of Ellen
although they're never
broad casted before in
Holland so for the Dutch's
they're new shows

and she keeps talking
about making this life list
and I gave it some thought
and It's kinda fun,
to put everything you want
to do in you're life on paper

and make it visual
so here is the beginning
of my life list
someday I will complete it
and put it out here
for the world to see
but I've started it

1. Move to the USA to be with my baby and our son under one roof.

2. make 4 to 6 week a coast to coast trip with my baby and our son from California to New York city by car,RV or truck

3. Visit South Africa (and go to chimp rescue)

4. Meet Melissa Etheridge face to face

5. visit Mexico (Guatemala or/and Honduras)

6. visit Bonaire

well I guess I got some stuff to work to for a while huh?

One Love

counting days
to pass by
happy when one is over
getting closer

to be in each other arms
feel skin
kisses and soft lips
playing tongues

sparkling eyes
racing heartbeats
big smiles

joy full days
passionate nights
lots of laughter
comfortable silences

kid giggle
tickle fights
sticky fingers
pile of toys
screaming cars

my family
home, one roof
one family
one home
one love......

Live Earth Melissa Etheridge 7/7/07

Live Earth 7/7/07
wow.......

I watched it all
from 9 am kick off with the
concert in Sydney
till 3 am closing up in New York city

the act that i was waiting for
finally Melissa was getting to
the stage

and man was I in shock
she looked awesome
her eyes had the sparkle
but man! her hair, the jacket
and the purple shirt........

what was she thinking?(or Tammy)
How much I like Tammy and Melissa
I really think they made a bad judgement
on Melissa's outfit this time!

I know I shouldn't care about her appearance
I love her regardless and I do
I am just used to better I guess

her hair kinda yellowish pinkish
a purple shirt
with a army green jacket...........

like I said the sparkle was there
and the fact she gained some weight,
I love that about Melissa she looks better
If she is a bit more full

I was happy to see her
and it was worth the wait.........
but Melissa.......please don't do the purple any more......

You Rock!!! grin

07/07/07

what a date........

and so much going on.......

finally the world is getting shak'n

and humanity is awaking...........

Tossing and turning on the night train

you know how thoughts can keep you up
out of your rest, your dreams your sleep
how old memories haunt you
and keep digging your mind
when you can finally lay your head to rest?

old memories that keeps you wondering
about why? and how?
how you feel conspiracy developed around you
and you couldn't see?

how little pieces of puzzles
finally come together and you can
convince yourself that it was all planned out?

how things happens at work
a lack of respect and it keeps
bugging you into the night?
how you think things over
and trying to make a script in your head
how you can handle it?

while your body is basically screaming
for sleep
and your mind makes it toss and turn
how you finally get a peace of mind
to write it all down

and your body sighs of relief
your eyes close themselves
cuz they don't find light anymore

how your soul hurts in need
and your brain keeps pounding.
that's what is going on with me
right now.
trying to put my mind at peace
by writing down and let my fingers
hit the keys, without thinking to get it out.

my head is screaming for darkness
my body is hurting
I am going to sleep.

Second hand rose

it's funny how people get frustrated
about buying stuff over the Internet.
I, myself sell some things on the
dutch what we call marketplace

in emails i get questions as
how much is shipping?
when do i get it?
its like running an actual store
check every day for new emails or bids

and stay as anonymous as i can
not giving any phone number or address
when people are happy they're nice
when they're not they can get pretty ugly

I hide behind my computer
and laugh my ass off
when I buy something for like $10
and I sell it within two weeks for $50

people have no idea whats going on
to me its something to keep me busy
till my family gets home
other than work, sleep, eat and work some more

by now i feel like a second hand rose,
i think that's how i am going to call my
Internet store "second hand rose"

a wandering mind

the night is falling
summer is on it's way
the rain keeps her out
but she is trying to get here

i feel the sheets on my skin
the darkness around me
and my thoughts are keeping
me up

mind is wandering off
into happiness and love
worries of the world
running around on my dusty attic

weight and health
how to chance
how to give
and how to receive?

just to be with the one I love
the one who is holding my heart
into her loving grip
squeezing it thight to
even love it more
to never let go.

wandering minds
running into the darkness
of the night

Summer is late..........

Summer has started
but is nowhere to be found
rain keeps falling down
soaking the earth

I am longing for that feeling
sand between my toes
from the beach
my torn jeans showing
my tanned skin underneath

my tanned face holding a smile
and sun bleached hair
my eyes summer sky blue
from soaking up sunlight all day

a white loose button down blouse
touching my sun tanned skin and
feeling comfortable on my body
my feet bare touching earth and feeling connected

my heart happy and full of joy
soaking up the sunlight energy
of summer...........it's here in date
but summer is late.........

empty spot.

So 40 days to go,
or actually it's 39 already
I just saw the time moving
to midnight
I feel seconds slide,
minutes breathing
and hours sigh

days pass,
and were counting down
our son finally got his passport
meaning our family is going to be complete
this summer.

the night wrapping me
in it's warm save cool blanket
seconds slide
minutes breathing
hours sigh

sliding my mind and being
into another lonely night
missing the warm body
just an empty spot.

Frustrated countdown...........

today was hard,
it was a long lonesome day
and I stayed up late
to be with my baby,
I got cut off short
cuz she got frustrated
with life, people, and her truck.

I do understand
her frustration
but I can't sleep
because of it
I have to get up
in 6 hours again

we miss each other
all we have is the damn phone
to at least hear each others sweet voice
and even tho the day is getting closer
frustration grows.........and grows

with no one to take it out on
except each other
so what happens...........
you re happy to hear each other
and then the frustration gets out.........

Tammy's Blog

I don't know if i can reach as many people, but it's sure worth a try, I borrowed Tammy's blog, to bring the message out further into the world. and hope for more, millions of postcards and emails.....................

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

millions de nile
breathing, i try to take in the day. the birth of a love, she is 46 today, and we've been together for over 6 years. that's a lot of breathing we've spent together, but a fraction of what is to come, i'm sure. i'm sure our bodies' rhythms are pumping in unison now, our breath, our heart rate, our hopes and dreams... we braid our lives into one palace of magic. our children fill the rooms with laughter, and reason to seek answers. their innocence gives me strength for the monsters. i can no longer live the way i used to live. i can't watch the news- that world being trashed is my children's future. when a drowning mother hands her infant off to a man in the boat, as the waters swallow her- i can't see those photos anymore. the mother is my sister, the child my child. i bleed all the way through life now. right now, i am so forlorn over the lack of consideration for human life. dancing with the stars, singing with the stars, idolizing with the stars, moving with the stars, gawking at the stars, blogging with the stars, vote for your favorite star... millions of people make a river in egypt: de nile. denial. denial has to have some sort of saving grace on my soul. denial gives me a false hope that carries me through the night while i sleep, and allows me to raise my children without needing to march anywhere or write to anyone or put a big ugly fight with the bullies of the world: the american government. fuck, i know what would happen to me if i spoke out more than i do... i'd be called a "washed-up, wannabe, muff-diving, ugly, abomination, stupid, fat, lezzbo BITCH who should go back to following MLE around like a puppy dog, and leave the big thoughts to those with balls that don't get placed in the night stand drawer."so here i am. me and my blog, and a pile of laundry and some dirty diapers, and chicken pox. and nary a postcard or a picket sign in sight. i'm still thinking about post cards. sending a shitload to somewhere, with one word on it: IMPEACH. who do we send it to? where is ken lay when you need him? if only condi would blow bush... well... there are rumors.... about the bush part, i mean. which bush, hmm...someone get me a prozac. this is so depressing. without denial, would i let the frustration of it all bubble to the top? would the sadness wash over me like watered down syrup, drowning me on my stack of flat wishes. does denial make it possible for me to get up each morning, and concentrate on what fruits and veggies my kids need to eat? does denial allow me space in my mind to save myself from more years of anxiety attacks? denial saved my ass growing up: if you don't know your mother is crazy, then you don't think "I'm raised by a crazy!" you think, "i'm raised by a colorful gal!" if i step out of my safe denial, my feelings might come up. i might get angry- and have no place to put it. (hello, sweet cindy sheehan) i might feel desperate and reach out for help- and get none (hello, conservatives). denial not only protects me from having to make a move regarding that criminal activity in the white house, but it also allows me to just be a mommy. to just let my dreams come true, let the reality of my hopes fading into truth be my point for living... granted, this world might not be here for my grandchildren... but isn't that one more reason to run away from the fact that the most powerful man in the world is an ass puppet for gold and hate mongers. ass puppet. i wish i could say that to his face. i wish i could run into him in the back room of a smokey bar. i don't know if i'd beat the shit out of him.... or knock him over the head, strip him naked, dress him up as a troop, and send him into iraq. i'm afraid, very afraid. but i'm boogeyman afraid- i don't even know what i fear. i just know i fear something. and i am mostly afraid that i fear my government.and if i step out of denial, what the hell do i do with that? if i open my eyes to find dad(bush) molesting the family(raping us of our faith, trust, patriotism), who do i go to for help? there is no mother- cheney is merely the uncle who molests the neighbor kids (WMD anyone?). do i run to get help and take the beating from the angrily quiet victims.... or do i close my eyes and go back to sleep, hoping i don't feel him this time? cuz if i don't see it, i might not feel it. and if i don't feel it, i don't have to acknowledge it's there. i don't have to accept my vulnerabilty. if i just keep denial wrapped around me, like a cashmere blanket, warm from the dryer even... i don't have to do anything different. i can just curl up with my woobie, read with blind eyes, listen with deaf ears, and don't question.... and life will be soft and safe and no one will headline my name with the word "BBBIIITTTCCCHHHHHH". why am i ready to let my life bleed dry before i am ready to put on some boots and do something?postcards. i wonder if it would do more to send the post cards to the white house or to nancy pelosi? i bet if i mailed a shitload of postcards to nancy... and the other folk who work with her... i bet there'd be something- if nothing else, at least a BLOG about the effort right? i can write a postcard. i can get a stamp. i can do this. i can buy 100 postcards, i can buy 100 stamps. i can mail one postcard a week, or one a day.... i can send them, tell my friends to send them, tell anyone to send them... millions.... a deluge of IMPEACH IMPEACH IMPEACHi think nancy would listen. i do. i just looked up her contact info, and i'm going to use it. i think i'll email her and send postcards. emailing is quick, and cheap. postcards scream "I'm not effing kidding here". so i'll do both. on the postcard, i shall write only "IMPEACH"... and in my emails, the subject will read "IMPEACH" and inside it shall only read, "BUSH". i hope she understands these two go together... not that i want to impeach someone, AND make everyone a lezbo, but rather, "IMPEACH BUSH" is the entirety of the message. i can't sit around slack-jawed at the incest and rape happening to our souls anymore, or i will need to start taking partial credit as to why our state is in such disarray. right? postcards and emails. i might be the only one doing it, but dammit... one by one is better than none by none. hm... if my 1000 "impeach" postcards and emails get him out of office... well, rootbeer floats all around!let's just see what happens. i'm going to believe this will work. believe it, know it, is is.

DC Address: The Honorable Nancy Pelosi
United States House of Representatives235
Cannon House Office BuildingWashington,
D.C. 20515-0508

Email Address: sf.nancy@mail.house.gov

impeach impeach impeach impeach impeach

impeach
go go go go go go
go sisters go brothers
go go go go go go go !!!!!!!!!

right?
posted by Tammy, midwestern girl 29.5.07

May month of hope..........

Finally its May,
May is the month of
green cards and hope.

of festivals and parties
but most of all
keeping my eye
on my mailbox
to see if the USA
government wants me
to be a citizen of a visitor.

did I pass??

can I start the rest of my life?
every day I come home
my heart dropped
scared to check the mailbox
scared of IT not being there

every day finding hope
I don't care where I live
I just want to be with her!
be happy and loved
protect her, talk to her
and help her, live with her

now at times i feel lost
and losing
confused, and lonely
misunderstood and alienated

not home in this country
not home in that country yet......
my heart is over there
my body is over here
restless...........

loved but lonely

changing, lots of changes
it feels weird,
close but apart
scaring me,
hurting me
trying to keep faith
holding on to love
missing, lonely, counting days
drifting, confused, scared,
loved but lonely

94 days to go..............

again it's been a while,
it's getting old to start with that
I know
people are reading me more lately
not that I am a loner
but I feel more lonely, lately
and I guess it's starting to show

wake up in the middle of the night
more often cause I don't feel safe
turning and tossing in my sleep
to find a solution to be together
and feel safe and secure again

the wanting, and needing is so deep
I can hardly hide it
I guess it shows.................
94 days to go............

Shallow people

It keeps surprising me
how people think they know
people without really knowing
who they are
and what their background is
and how they became
who they are today.

I am thinking about myself
why I am a loner,
why I don't let people in
any more,
Why I am vulnerable.

And why I am loving
and have so much love to give.
why I don't care about
what people look like, or what color
their skin is, or what background they
come from

I have been raised with all those
differences
seven different nationalities in our family
but no love,
No understanding, no hugs and kisses
always smiling faces,
hidden behind masks
never showing the real you
cause you will get hurt


A bigger house, a better job,
less weight, longer hair, brighter eyes,
suntanned skin, whither teeth,
Nice's clothes, bigger car,
diamond ring..........never good enough

it learned me, I try never to judge
and never show my own pain,
hide the damage
show the shell
shallow people

A Guardian Angel.

An escape from death
I call it
My honey had a fire
going on in the garage
when everyone was sleeping

An Angel must have been watching
over them and kept them save
It was a close call
full tanks of gas
and a lot of stuff easy to catch on fire close

the garage is all black
and a lot of stuff damaged or melted
the back of the car
melted away but the fire didn't hit the gas tank
the whole house would have been
blown away

everyone is save
thank god, thank you Angel!!
for keeping my family save
and put out the fire while everyone was sleeping!