Monday, September 18, 2006. 9:20 Am CT. MN, USA
As time is passing, my stomach is getting more restless. The feeling of leaving soon is making me sick to my stomach and makes my head spin. Even tho I have another week to spend with the people I love most, at the house where I feel more at home then anywhere else. I love this place in my life. But I so hate the leaving. It's peacefully, and my happyplace. I do my thing and make others happy with that. While "at home" in Holland, I do my thing, and all it does is frustrating me. The only thing I miss, are my cats. Other then that I don't have to leave this save haven. Wasn't it for the fact, the people put a moron on the thrown of the empire. A Moron who wouldn't even recognize his own two feet if they were walking in rainbow shoes. A moron who wouldn't love his own daughter if she were gay. (pink/dear mr.president). Makes me feel restless that all I need is that little green paper, which says: you can stay! And there is nothing I can do! Watching around this room I am at now, I feel empty, still filled with love. Confusion and a struggle inside. Hope and desperation at the same time. Feeling so much love, willing to leave all behind, and start a new, at the place, with the people you love more then your own life, and not being able to. It's going to be a tough week this week. I so don't want to go back to Holland. Where life isn't as good, and neighbor's wake you with their weekly fight, course the walls are so thin. Where the neighbor's dog, runs around playing and the cups are falling out of your cupboard because of it. Where all you want to do is cover your head up with blankets make the world fade, and dream of a better life, at a better place. My wolf inside is howling for heartache, sadness and loneliness. But hey! Another week! Awesome! Another week at the place I love most. With my girl, to sleep in her arms, kiss her soft lips, and be silly and loving with.
I will keep my head up!(I'll try)
Be strong and happy, Love peace and rock and Roll
