just some thoughts..............

I am not in the mood any more to start a blog about the subject I was thinking about

when I drove home from work today.

I wrote a long blog that I don't want to share with the world today

that only happens once in a while.

I called it Scared Heart, but I really don't want to talk about it.



I want to write stuff down but don't know where to begin.

I am wondering if any one will understand my rambling

or even read my blog any more. I am wondering how many

people think my blog is making them understand.

How hard it is, to love some one that you can't be with yet.

it's awesome that the Internet makes the world so much smaller



but it's still damn big to me, when I feel like this

and I can't feel save, I can't get comfort and warmth

It still feels huge when you want to talk to the one you love

and you can't and man, is it a long walk over there.

I wish the Universe listened

The Universe Listened - Melissa Etheridge

We do our best
We stay in step
As time goes marching by
There's something wrong
We don't start living
Until we almost die
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
The universe listens

Well I was born
With a silver thorn
On a Midwest rose
I found out fast
Love is last
And it comes and goes
I made a deal
Hearts to steal
They will know my name
I'll pay the price, any price
Just give me the fame
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
The universe listened

A perfect song
My love is wrong
So I ache the dark
A hero's close
The story goes on
But I hate the part
I chose to fault
Destroy it all
But I will rise again
I believe in love
Please send me love
And I will try again
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the universe listened
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the universe listened

Rue the dark
Cue my heart
Make my body whole
I found my angels
Found my spirit
Yes, I found my soul
Teach me how
Show me now
This light has taken me
I'm not ashamed
Help me explain
This awakening
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the universe listened
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the universe listened
Oh, yeah

Letter to my lover

hey there sweetheart!

today was another sunday without you, but were getting closer. We also know when it does, it's getting harder somehow to be without each other. Holland had a crisp and cold sunday behind. the sky was as blue as your amazing eyes and the sun greeted me as your smile! And it was cold burrrr very cold, but I woke in the warmth of your hands and your love wrapped as a warming blanket around me.


waking up to silence, and a cold house with your love spinning my head making me dizzy and smiling.
you make me more happy then i could ever imagine, just knowing you love me is keeping my heart warm, my face smile, my head spin, my body tingle.
even tho were far a part, seas need to be crossed to be together we feel together and far away all at the same time, on the same day.
Not every day is a good day, not every moment a good moment, but we can still love and laugh fight and argue, make faces, and blow kisses to each other even tho not together.

together at heart baby, and as I tell you and everybody who wants to know.
YOU ARE THE ONE! the one I spend rest of my life with, the one that i will grow old with,
the one that I am loving, and honoring, in sicknes and in health for good and for bad till death do us part and beyond. Cuz with you I also feel, like Melissa knows how to put it, I've loved you before, and I do now, and going to do it again and again and again.

now stepping in a cold bed, with you in my ear, and a smile on my face feeling loved.
I love you! and this paper will hold my promise to you,
we will be together soon, cuz nothing can keep us from being together.
Not seas, nor president, nor laws, nor parents or papers..............

I love you now and beyond.........

You've got mail..........

I got some amazing E-mails from my Angel
the last couple of days, really wanted to send this
one out to the world.................

Hey gorgeous – Do you know how much I love you? Do you know that you are my everything? Do you realize how happy you make me? Do you realize that I cant live without you? Do you know how lucky I am to have you in my life?


I just want you to know that I do not take what you do for us for granted and that I thank God everyday for you! I love you so much! You are so awesome! I don’t know what I would do without you!!

screaming heart

Being tough all day,
when people ask me about
how I am doing it, and how I hang in there
with a smile on my face,
and an Angel on my mind,
giving me the twinkle in my eye

no one sees my hidden cries,
my tears that flow in the dark
my screaming heart of loneliness
my empty arms, tired from not holding anything

appeared rested and at ease
settled with the fact, my angel and I aren't together yet
words of hope and believe, those are true, no doubts
but at night, when I come home in a cold dark house
that doesn't even feel like home any more
my heart screams so hard it's deafening
and still no one hears it,

after a rough day, there is no time
no time to cry in the arms of the one I love
no room, to snuggle up with the one I love most
I cry my tears in silence, till my eyes are swollen
and my troth is sore of holding back

being tough all day
when people ask me about
how I am doing it, and how I hang in there,
with a smile on my face,
and an Angel on my mind
carrying the twinkle in my eye....

Screaming Butterflies

heavy weight is pushing down my chest
it feels really tight
My heart is happy tho
I am sleepy it's late
my mouth is smiling
my eyes filled with tears
My fingers writing my mind
with her,
no sense, no sense at all
hard to describe when you
miss someone so much
that it hurts

can any one imagine?
that pain? the emptiness you feel,
and still feel lucky, cuz I am loved?
at least I have some one that loves me,
as I love her, not every one does
I found the one, THE ONE!
pain, despair, hurt, tears
joy, loved, butterflies, confusion

my mind is tired and not thinking straight
my fingers want to write to get my mind at ease
my soul screams, my mouth is silence
my eyes are closing but fighting to see
my chest is breathing but tight
my stomach still got butterflies.........