Summerblog Countdown

Summerblog countdown
It has started
next Tuesday is the day
one suitcase is packed

phones are charging
camera is charging
money is counted
tickets and passport
is checked

al that is waiting now
is get that fricken cast off
be the DJ on Saturday and night
get some artificial tan (by booth, not spray)

butterflies are wild
smile is permanent
eyes are twinkling
nights are restless

I am ready to go
definite countdown
has started

© AngelZpublishing 2006

Puhhuhlease hey!

Oh please take the cast off!
you know how it started
with just a sore foot!

and how amazing it is that
after a day of walking with it
the sore foot is gone

after two days
you knee hurts really bad
and your other leg!
your dying from muscle pain

after 3 days you get the Itch!
so you poke some sticks into your
cast, to reach the itch
and while trying to reach
you break skin and that hurts
and you're still itching!!

after 4 days your so done
with the fricken clump of clay
that you do anything to
get rid of it

after 5 days your body is
hurting cuz of the way you walk
with the ten pound foot
you're back is killing
not to mention the knee
the muscle pain
and the itch spot that you
broke skin on

are they sure, that a cast
is the best solution?
I doubt it please puhhuhlease
take it off me!!
thank god only 1,5 day left!!

© AngelZpublishing 2006

SummerBlog Try-Out

Ok so here I am just a week before I leave for the states. I am going to write differently for a bit so you all (the thousands that are reading my blog hahaha)can get used to reading a slightly different blog. I will be sharing lots of stuff, not everything tho, I won't get into details on some adventures, but I will tell most. I am going to try to write on a daily base but forgive me if I don't. So the graving started, for peanutbutter cookies, orange pop, and the longing for silence.
The one thing I am definitely can do without is the barking $%^&*dog at one side and the screaming, yelling kids on the other. Oh my god, it's going to be so peaceful. At times that is. Like I think everybody knows, we have a son, a big dog and neighbor's too in the States, but they're not coming close to being as noisy as what I go through in Dutchieland. I mean the neighbor's are half a mile away (a little less but you get the picture) and our puppy doesn't bark just howls and that's so cute. But oh well, so next Tuesday I will be getting up really early, about 5 am and leave for the airport at around 7 am, but you will read about that later.
I am almost done packing and checking my list if I got everything. Not bringing much clothes but just stuff that needs to stay in the States. My cats, are feeling something is up, following me around, making sure they don't loose my out of sight. Those I am going to miss. Little chaos in my head is going on, but it will be all ok. Praying for Wednesday when my cast will be taken off, that my foot healed just fine, and I can walk normally again. I am done with taking my showers sitting down, and lasting for almost an hour every day. Well that's going to be it for today, maybe some brain farts later tonight, but I will see.

Be brave and crazy, be good, do good!

(oh you can leave comments on the summerblog if you want FYI)

Growing up, man it feels good!

Do I aspect too much?
Or is it my common reason
that I find
that parents should
check up on their kids
no matter how old?

5 days ago, I came home
from work with this cast
foot up to knee
in blue light weighted plaster
haven't seen my parents since

first they've told me
they would swing by
Friday (2 days after it happened)
then probably Saturday or Sunday
it's Sunday 8.15 pm here
I haven't seen them yet

so jealous, of people
with parents who are there
just 5 minutes after something
happened to them
parents who do the small things
and make you feel loved

like picking you up from
the airport after a vacation
or the flowers at the dinnertable
when you get home
Or who sit at your hospital bed
after surgery
I don't have any of that
never had, never will

Is it just me?
am I too needy for that
kind of love?
Is that what made me
so hard and though
till two years ago when
I met my Angel?

I never had the parents
who told me" i love you"
Or told me what a great job
I did, I have the parents
that still tell me
that If I try (tried) harder
it would be better
with better results

I told them tonight
that I am mad as hell
and disappointed.
I just called them up
and said it, spit it out.

they were in shock
and totally unexpected
but I told them, and hurt
them for a change
and I cried a river
till my chest hurt so bad

then I called my Angel
and told her my frustration
she calmed me down
and made me feel loved
and peacefully again

I guess this new age of mine
did something to me
and I am still changing
for the best
I am growing up
and man it feels good!

© AngelZpublishing 2006

Just me & Rasta Pasta

had a kind of soulsearch
the last couple of days
I've changed a lot
Last two years
And bad things
are turned into good

It started off really sucky
cuz I probably broke my foot
doctors aren't sure yet
guess that's my luck

but this girl from work
let's call her Rasta
Was so sweet and patient
and understanding
she sat with me at the
hospital for two hours

Late at night I find
another girl from work online
she calls me at my cell
and she will swing by the next day
turns out she stayed with me all
day and helped me out with everything
I had to do for the coming week

then I got home
and my neighbor had something
for me turns out that Rasta brought
me Pasta (Rasta Pasta)
cuz she felt so sorry for me
and was probably afraid
I would starve to death

and the amazing thing of this all is
that I know these girls just for a little
while,
I guess I've changed
I showed them my soft side
my good heart, and my honest
intension, and they gave it back
in many ways I didn't even know
it would effect me like this

they have no idea
how much this all means to me
what it does to me
and how loved I felt
but to me
its prove that there
are people who likes me
just for me, while I am me

Just me, honest, vulnerable me
amazing to me, that I didn't knew
there still were people like this
people just like me


© AngelZpublishing 2006

Do I need to say more?

I've been kinda
"told" to write a blog
today
But how do you,
when your inspiration
is just lost

she gave me the finger
today,
I could write about that
I know she is cracking up
while reading it
yeah you! I can see you!!!

again it amazed us
how much of a colored
bunch we are
a"black" girl (she hates it when I call her black, so I will make it umm brown?, tanned? Colored, aren't we all?)
a Chinese boy,
a girl born in India, (what ya me call that, Indian? )
a Tamil boy has added

and then there is me
miss whitey (or should I say Pinky Jael??or just the white gay one?)
It's so much fun to see this group
sometimes it makes me think
this is how the world should look

and that brings me back to
the header of my blog,
I believe We have to stay together.
All colors, all ethnic backgrounds,
all religions all sexual preferences,
whatever the differences.
We are full of differences,
each and every one of us,
and we all must come together against any kind of hate.
It is as simple as good and evil.
To wrap our heads around why is difficult.
The only way we can feel safe is if we embrace each other.

do I need to say more?

© AngelZpublishing 2006

Thank you for loving me.

To wake up
in the morning
and feel your warmth

that's what I dream of
now
and every morning
when rain
tries to work its way
into the bedroom
by banging on my window

I know I am getting
closer to be with you
to finally be able
to hold your hand
and feel you close

to kiss those perfect
lips
and to finally look
into those eyes that
sweep me from my feet

I love you Michelle,
hang in there,
we almost made it.

I am so proud of you
the way you're holding
on to our love
and how you keep
resisting
the distance between us

so amazed by the love
you feel for me
and the trust in
us being together
someday, somehow

thank you for loving me

© AngelZpublishing 2006

Demons

Had a rough night
turning and twisting
my demons
poking me
and keeping me
restless

stomach ache
head ache
puking and restless
demons are getting to
me
my angel tried
to reassure me
that all was fine

demons kept chasing me
through the darkness
of night
then finally
the sun came through
the thick blanket of clouds

and I fell asleep
deep, hard and peaceful

© AngelZpublishing 2006

Birthday wish

Thinking about life
when you get a year older
heading for the big 40
in a couple of years
make you think
about life

I am pretty happy
kinda lonely
kinda poor
but healthy
with a family
that truly
loves me

the distance is
killing tho
my wish for this
birthday is
being together
with my girl
and our son

I will send that
wish up to the stars
tomorrow
when I hit 37
when I blow out
my candles on the cake

shivering
cuz of missing
the warm hand
from my girl on
my back

It's there tho
I can feel it anyway
never thought
I would find
so much love
in my life as
I do the last two
years of it

the pure
true peaceful love
the feeling that
words aren't enough
to describe
the completeness of it
it's there I can feel it

I share it
and I receive
not complicated
pure but sure
not simple

My birthday wish
is that I can hold on
to that for the rest
of my life
and be with her
in the same house
the same place on
this earth

that's my birthday wish

cheers ahead of what will
become
cheers to me, and 37 years
may I become wisdom
and health, cuz love
and happiness
I've already received.

© AngelZpublishing 2006

I feel so helpless.........

My girl
is getting sad
the closer we get
to be together
the worse it gets

the realization
of being this far
is hitting her hard
setting the mood
and making her think

it effects her
on a daily base
I find this so sad
and I feel so helpless

the more the countdown
get lower in numbers
and in days
the more cheery
I get
I am going to be
in her arms soon

although in the back
of my brain
there is that fear
the date
when I have to
leave again

It's pushing hard
on my chest
making difficult
to breath and stay
calm

my poor baby
got that even worse
I feel so helpless

© AngelZpublishing 2006

Birthday smile

the days are
closing in
and the hours
are ticking away fast
my birthday is coming
I can't deny

I will become 37
It's a nice age
and I will get used to it
another one
to celebrate without
my beloved one
without my family

so in my heart
I will pretend
it's not my birthday yet
till we are together
and feel my heart
make the jump of joy

when she walks
into the room
and fill it with
my birthday smile

© AngelZpublishing 2006

Workfloor massages

Haven't really
seen or talked to
my fellow musketeers
lately
don't know why that is

Maybe it's because
the group
we're hanging with now
is becoming bigger
as much fun as always

like today
we had a kinda
workfloor massage farm
going on
it was too funny
One started
to give another a shoulder massage

before we knew
I was one of the guys
and got one too
no Leader on the
floor today
I had an awsome day

didn't work much
but this was just what
the doctor ordered
just a fun day full
of laughter

It got so bad at one point
the tallest guy of the six of us
was laying flat face down
on the floor
and the smallest girl
of us, was walking on his back

at work, right under the
noses of those
who where in charge

It was fun in many ways tho
we got to talk about things
we never really get the chance too

but the funniest of
the day
was the workfloor massage
who can ever say that
lifted up
by the guys and girls
at work,
just another tuesday morning

© AngelZpublishing 2006