Xmas dream

Woke up this morning with a smile on my face.

While not being up for a different love, or meeting people,

I had this nice dream,

Meeting a woman that swept me,

Long dark brown hair, greenish bright eyes, tall and a generous smile.

In my dream all of a sudden she stood before me, looked me straight in my eyes, smiled and swept me.

She turned, walked away, stopped, considered, turned back around, pushed herself into me and kissed me, long but gentle.

Smiled, and said, let's start our life together and be happy!

Uhmm ok!!!

I woke up with a smile.

Long time ago that I woke up happy. 

Merry Xmas! 

You're a liar

The more I think about it

The more I know

You're a liar

We were supposed to stay friends

But friends don't walk away like 10 years was nothing

Friends don't make promises that they don't keep

You deceived me

Small talk, lies

Friendly and kind to cover your ass

Be sure of your financial security

Over my back

You mistreated me

I believed you like a child

In good faith

In love and trust

You're a liar

You left me heartbroken

And made me loose everything I cared for

You left me in a spot without friends, without job, without pets without love and without trust

You're poison

You're a liar

You

You C, you think you are more than me,

Better than me,

Smarter, Richer, slimmer,

More fun, with more friends and a loving family.

You, you have all that, 

I don't.

But, 

I have experience, I'm fierce, brave,  loving, empathic,

I went through lost, heartache, dissapointment, treason, sickness and health.

All of that made me

Better, smarter, richer, slimmer, taller, more loved and respected.

So good luck to you, when you have to be going through the stuff you haven't seen, experienced or felt yet. 

Brace....and remember me, maybe you finally understand.

You're not more than me, never were never will be.

G

Fall

How I miss you during fall

The endless walks, your rolling in falling leaves, bathing in rain puddles. How I miss you during fall

alles is anders

Na t verlies van Joe, wordt ik geconfronteerd met alledaagse dingen, die dus niet meer alledaags zijn.Ik kom niet meer op de plekken waar we altijd samen liepen met uit laten, de mensen met de honden die ik tegen kwam, zie ik niet  meer.

Je mandje met knuffels heb ik opgeborgen, dan ruik ik soms nog aan je Ikea bal of je dekentje ,het ruikt nog steeds naar jou. Mijn hondenuitlaatschoenen staan roerloos onder de kapstok ,waar eveneens mijn 'hondenuitlaatjas' en je riem hangt. Je drinkbak

Staat roerloos en als ik op zondagochtend een eitje tik, betrap ik me er steeds op, ach wat vond je dat lekker .Je zat dan steevast naast me, en drukte zacht je neus tegen m n been, zo van "vergeet me niet'? Geen brokken meer bestellen, geen lekkere snacks meer, geen medicijnen meer in de gaten houden. ik ben niet meer die vrouw met die Labrador. Ik word geen vrouwtje meer genoemd,

Als we

s' middags samen effe tukkie deden, gleed mijn hand als vanzelf door je vacht .........Ik genoot van t zachte gesnurk van je .Het valt niet mee zonder jou, ik mis je dagelijks en op sommige momenten nog meer, wanneer het weer buiten zacht is met een flauwe zon, we hoeven niet meer op zoek naar "nieuw" water om je te laten zwemmen. Niet in alle vroegte naar de heide, je liefde en blijdschap mis ik het aller meest. Je blik als je naar mij op keek en tevreden naast me liep in het bos. Die kleine, bijna allerdaagse dingen die zo gewoon leken zijn niet meer allerdaags zijn , en gewoon. Maar nu een mooie liefdevolle herinnering aan jou lieve Joe. Ik mis je.

Now I have to remember you, longer than I've known you

Joe, my dear Boy

Joe, My dear boy,

12 weeks since you left, since you crossed the huge bridge, and met all kinds of friends on the other side. 

3 months, out playing with toys and balls and are running free without pain. 

I don't blame you for leaving, I don't blame 

you for playing and running pain free.

I don't blame you for not contacting me. I do miss you tho.

The last weeks even more than before.

My soul connection to you is even stronger.

I am happy you are happy, but boy how I miss you at my side.

At my feet at the dining table.

Your soft ears in my hands and your faitfull eyes when I feel down and out.

And boy how you broke my heart when I felt your heartbeat fading and your breathing slow down.

Not on purpose and definitely not cause you wanted to.

You just were my heart, my life my best friend my everything.

My whole being was about you.

And you left a void, and you are missed. Your frenz down here miss you too. Some still come look for you.

But I am happy you are happy and playing.

I haven't received your package yet, "the other one for loving" but I am sure it will come soon. 

If I could choose, I would rather have you come home.

I do understand that's not a choice, sometimes it is the way it is. 

But some day when the time is right, I will come to you and stay by your side 

and we can have long walks again. 

Till then I will miss you, but always love you. And only see you in my dreams.

And enjoy you little messages.

Be a good boy my sweet Joe.

Go and play,

Love, Mom.