run free...........

I just want to sit on the top of a mountain,

waiting till the sun comes back up, and touch my face

and tell me everything will be ok again.

breath, and breath take a deep breath, feel the cold air

filling my lungs till it hurts, and scream, scream till the last air leaves

my body and makes my tears run free and run and run......

makes my soul run free, as free as free as it wants to be.

to be, to be, to be who I want to be.......

instant answers

when it cuts deep, it cuts deep..................

confusion, questions, wondering, wandering,

no instant answers, just open the bag, poor them out and let me go

find the right one, and put it on a plate.............and hand it over, till then

it's cutting deep..............

I feel..............

I feel, I feel......standing on an empty dusty crossroad................

My golden security, burning her flames high up in the sky warming the air,

looking down at my boots, digged into sand and dust,

Kicking up a rock, leaves a little dust cloud which I see dissapear

in the soft tender warm wind, touching my face and dancing with my hair.

I feel, I feel.....so lost and found at the same time,

my jacket feels safe and out of place unknown and familiar

when I take it off, I can feel the the touch of sun on my back,

warming me up instantly, I close my eyes and take the warmth in

I feel, I feel.....lonely and loved in a rollercoaster of emotions

silence and chaos, when I watch the empty dust crossroad and try to touch

the horizon, out of reach and so close to me, so unreachable but wanting........

I feel, I feel.............

Be good, be loved.......

run...........

I really want to run right now

through the fog, and out run it

misty as my head

nothing but my own breathing

the wet cloudy air

makin me soaked

my hair drips water drops on eyebrows

running into my eyes

hiding my tears

from a heavy heart

and sleepless nights

asking the sun to be strong

burn it off, take away my clouds

and get me clear headed again

so I can see

expectations

do you ever think about those?

expectations................they hurt...........but who does?

yourself, u, u are having the expectations....that others don't know about.

but you expect them to know, and if they don't they hurt you, while

honestly you hurt yourself. you are the one holding the expectations....

isn't that a confusing mindgame with yourself or is it me?

Be good Be love

Good but weird one......

I am not great on sharing really private stuff with others, other than the ones I love the most.

today is a weird day for me, for some reason I am so energized. full of good spirit

my brother turning 50 today, haven't seen or spoken to him in about 8 years....

still today, I think of him, he is close to my heart, cuz we're so much alike.

I have been thinking about my life lately, which has been a waiting game for the last

7 years, waiting for the weight of the world to fall of my shoulders and go home.

All I want is go home home home home

sometimes love is worse than the poison in your vains its there but it can hurt and kill you.

I keep it contained, and it bursts like jack in a box at the time when I can.

The only company I got right now is a couple of empty cd boxes my songbook, laptop and phone.

I created some wonderfull pics today with showing strangers my city on twitter.

wondering and asking for responses that never come. waiting again. and again and again.

while my creative and active mind runs 150 miles per hour, I am waiting away the time difference. taken away another day even it was a good but weird one.

Be good, Be love

Kids!

have to love them,

have to snuggle, cuddle, fight, argue, tell, annoy,

listen, feed, taxi, teach, laugh, learn, raise your voice (rarely)

stimulate, influence, protect, carry, nurse and hug them.

sometimes not! in puberty not!

but HAVE to love them....

unsubcribed

Huh?

I was ready,

I unsubcribed from Melissa Etheridge mailinglists.

Don't get me wrong, her music runs through my blood

how can it be different after rocking with her for 23 years.

And I do have my ticket for her concert in Amsterdam in 2012.

But stuff changed, the more emails came in with new footage, interviews

merchandise, the more it irritated me that it all says speak true.....

She isn't speaking true any more..........so her music stays but she is out!

Be good, be Love

Mother nature.............

Not sure if I have something to say worth to share today

just being bored with my own thoughts I guess.

Life is just going and going feeling like it's even slipping at times

yesterday I applied for my green card AGAIN! 7TH time!

isn't it becoming time I will get it this time around?

I am a good egg, I believe. I do anything to return stuff that

I find to the rightfull owner. I help people cross the street

I'm almost a girl scout lol, work hard, love even harder!

so why? why am I not united with my wife and son yet?

just because mother nature told me I don't love boys as much as

I love girls? just people in grey suits made this this wonderful thing

into something wrong?

It's not fair! when do they understand being gay is NOT A CHOICE!

it's no virus, or something you can fix! it just is!

why can't I start my life with the ones that I love most?

our lives are on hold for 7 years!

our son is growing up to be a wonderful young man, and I am missing

the best parts!

Life is full of surprises in love and joy, I can only share it over the phone daily

or 6 weeks a year!

How is that fair? man in grey suits, get your head out of eachothers butt

and see what the world really is about!!

Love mother nature in all her glory and diversity! including gays!

Be good be love!

Liars and snakes

It keeps surprising me how many people lie!

over nothing, over absolutely unimportant little things.

I am, for some reason, really good in finding out the truth

have been cheated on, stabbed in the back, mistreated and lied to,

I guess that helped developing this skill.

Why is what I wonder, why? what do you gain with it?

all it takes is a lot of energy, remembering your lies.

Today I confronted someone with her lies, and I got lied to on top of the lie!

She is member of my blood related family so I can't cut her out of my life

but I am willing to. Just be honest, I can handle that much better!

And what is it about? absolutely nothing, you don't have time? don't feel like it?

just want to be a couch potato? fine! I don't need some made up excuse to not hang out,

just tell me, you want to go to the beach and hang with other people today it's fine!

No hard feelings, but lie? make up something so YOU feel better cuz you think you give me

a good excuse? DON'T

I don't do good on bullsh*t, I grow better on light and love

so get away from me with your dark clouds and lies

and I can let the sunshine in.

be good be love!

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