back then

I miss the freedom I felt

The air at the mountains

The love in my heart

The joy in my eyes

The freedom

The Lion in me

Sometimes I feel stronger, but at times, the lion in me stops roaring. The silence is deafening. And no words are good enough to break the silence at that time. So I say nothing and do some soul searching. 

Alone

4th day on a row all evening.

Alone, by myself, dinner alone,

Evening alone, sleeping alone

Who is waiting for me

Not a soul

Come on

C'mon let it rain, let it rain down on me...

nothing of anything

 BAM! 8 years have past, its 2021. 

Life is different confusing and weird.
Our house is no longer filled with laughter, but with regrets and sorrow.

I have changed, grew older, more worried.

Kids are no longer kids, the youngest one moved out living with her dad now. The oldest one is now an adult, sweet as ever. Never home and living his own life. He is right.

what's left for us, is each other.... we know by now we don't like each other much any more these days. No love, no laughter, no joy.

I feel stuck, can't breath at times. Body is worn with pain and sorrow. 
Not feeling loved isn't helping. 

I want to move back to the ocean and leave these green fields and forrests. 
I miss seaguls, air and ocean, wind and calming ocean breeze even when it's freezing out.  

My dog is my only joy now, can't have him by myself stuck with work and caring. 

Feel so stuck i need air, breath in breath out, and gone another day.